God’s in a thought

I was wondering; what is the part of me that wants to change for the better, to improve myself, to do the best I can, to not settle for less than I know I’m capable of (without sinking into perfectionism – another discussion), to love and take care of myself – not because I’m tired of the pain of the things that aren’t working, but because I care? As Jack Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets, what is it that makes me say, “you make me want to be a better man?”

Maybe that is God. Maybe that seed of thought is God in action. If so, then that is definitely God that I want to become better acquainted with.

Although the last example is questionable. He wanted to change because Helen Hunt’s character showed him he was worthy of love. It brings up an issue mentioned in one of the OneTaste podcasts; the issue of relationship as validation, consequently the question of what happens if the relationship doesn’t work out. Because that sort of conditional change obligates a person to return to self-destruction if the love is withdrawn. Unless in the time of experiencing it, the person has learned that they deserve better. The transition into that state isn’t necessarily easy, if you’ve spent your life thinking you’re not worth it. I guess that’s sort of the definition of a shame-based life perspective.

But back to Kriya Yoga. Is getting to know God the most important thing in my life to me? Well, I’d like to say the God I mentioned in the first paragraph is. Or should be. But habit often tells me otherwise.

One of those daily readers for today says,

Sow a thought, and you reap an act;

Sow an act, and you reap a habit;

Sow a habit, and you reap a character;

Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.

– Samuel Smiles

Yesterday I couldn’t sleep when I wanted to (again) so I did bound lotus in a chair at the computer for a while. Must’ve been about an hour, I guess. I can’t do the full bound lotus, but I do half lotus, with my arms linked behind my back, not holding my feet or bowed forward. But what a transformation. I’m not sure I’ve done it for that long before. Maybe it wasn’t that long. It helped me focus a lot.

I stumbled upon some YouTube links of the Summer Solstices that I couldn’t get to, and of Guru Singh playing in the Yogi Tea Cafe there.

Guru Singh’s “LifeBite”:

Walk as if, and fill in the blank. Dream your dreams. Learn to expect the best, get your expectations way up there. When we know what we want, we learn to receive it.

Don’t believe the old saying, “Don’t get your hopes up, you won’t get disappointed.” If you don’t want to be disappointed, don’t be.

Maybe I’m falling in love with yoga again. Was I in Shakti Pod? (Or is it Shakti Pad? why don’ they tell us these things?) While I was bound lotusing, reading, listening to videos, and sometimes meditating, I heard this inner voice from Guru Singh saying he needed me to come back and play bass. Sometimes I hear people say anything you hear during meditation is God, your spirit, or intuition talking to you. I tend to believe it’s just my imagination coming to life. Not that I’m adverse to playing with Guru Singh in any way. Those were some of the most elevated musical experiences I’ve had, even if they were simple. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Guru Singh, it’s that a yoga set or chant doesn’t have to be hard or complicated to be powerful and effective, contrary to what Gurmukh and Gurushabd advocate.

I just can’t afford the classes over at Yoga West right now and Jot didn’t even want to honor the gift passes I’d gotten as a birthday present. It’s just far enough away that I can’t visit regularly. Golden Bridge is close by and I just don’t like going to their new space. So I’ve gone from inspiration to whining in three paragraphs. Gurmukh and Gurushabd’s clay feet. I AM in Shakti Pod. Wheeee…