Riding Emotional Storms, Getting Rid of Fear/Split Personalities, and Blessings

Yesterday felt awful, but the day wasn’t so horrible in most respects. I got to sleep early, woke up really early, and felt miserable. Financial challenges were touching on all my emotions and making me reactive in ways that I knew weren’t true, but I was pretty “shut down” most of the day. I felt physically crummy too; partly perhaps from the yoga set the day before, but it was hard to tell. Curiously everyone I talked to today had a lousy day yesterday too, for different reasons in every case.

Despite all this, I earned some money for just sitting with an elderly woman and keeping her company. As I walked back to my apartment with it, I found myself wondering if just being a friend for somebody can be “of service.” Perhaps it was healthy decisions playing out different behaviors of prosperity in my life.

Not much later, my mood really plummeted, overshadowed by some sort of anger I could sense underneath it, but not pinpoint, while I pondered writing a blog post on, “what is your Kundalini Yoga Bullshit Quotient?” However I couldn’t follow that one through. By the time I’d spent some time with friends discussing the issues they were finding their ways through, and one friend’s intellectual digressions on philosophy, this had all diminished significantly.

I did the “Har” meditation before bed, and believe me, I was resisting it!

Then I did the MT p. 176; “Meditation to Get Rid of Fear and Split Personalities.” I’ve done this one before, quite a while ago. What was driving me nuts was sitting on my heels. My legs kept cramping. But afterwards I fell asleep like a light!

Aadays Tisai Aadays Aad Aneel Anaad Anaahat Jug-jug- Ayko Vays

Yogi Bhajan talks in the introduction about how the average person has between 16 and 20 “split personalities” and I found myself wondering if the different interests I share with the different people I encounter in my life are aspects of them.

Got up early and headed to Pasadena for the Quaker Meeting again; they had a history presentation which started earlier than I could make it, but I caught the last portion, and the hour prayer/meditation, and saw an older friend visiting from San Diego, which was a treat. She and I had hiked (her in an electric cart, actually) around Walker Creek Ranch in Marin County a couple years ago. As I headed over to Pasadena beforehand, I was thinking about a guy there that I don’t really know at all but had just disliked, and I didn’t know why. He ended up sitting next to me during the silent hour, and I had a nice conversation with him afterwards and look forward to getting to know him better.

Then I headed to Hollywood again, and played with Kevin at Elderberries, and my energy level was almost more elevated than I could contain, which was fun in a musical context. I also played with a new songwriter named Brad, whom I’m looking forward to playing with in the future, and with Frank, who also plays bass, on drums – his cool sister Natasha also works there and cooked us another wonderful lunch. She invited me to her gig Thursday, which she promised to comp me in to. OK, perhaps the prosperity meditations ARE working?

I did the Har meditation again in my car before the meditation meeting at Vedanta. I’m thinking it’s more powerful when done without musical accompaniment!

Then I tried to figure out which meditation(s) were best for the 20 minute silent meditation slot, and chose the “Meditation for Blessing” parts 1 (11 mins) & 2 (9 mins).

Wahe Guru Wahe Guru Wahe Guru Wahe Jio  – 11 mins
(Silent) Prabh Joo To Keh Laaj Hamaaree – 9 mins

I was really self-conscious doing the first part, especially since I felt like I was hogging the bench in the back of the room when all the seats in the room were full, and the mudra felt sort of exhibitionistic or something, which is why I sit in back in the first place. I got through that, and launched into the second half, and then there was a point where I just told myself, “I am DOING this… I can pretend to be blessing the room or just do it, and I’m DOING this; this is how it feels to show up and be present and bless those around me.”

Yogi Bhajan told a story in his lecture about communication about a man who had a grove of fruit trees that were barren. Finally he started praying for one of the trees, blessing it, and being grateful for it, and the tree began to bear more fruit than any other around. Then he thought, “why am I only blessing the one tree?” He blessed the whole grove, and now the grove is one of the most “fruitful” in the country. I thought about that last night as I filled a bag with grapefruits from our tree downstairs, and I thought about it as I did the meditation tonight, blessing all those in the room, and the person right in front of me, whom I felt self conscious about blessing, but wanted to bless more than anyone else. Ah well; we’re going hiking Tuesday now too. I wonder if that Shabd Hazaaray DID do something. Either way, today was a remarkable day, and I found myself thinking, “why can’t I remember that crummy days like yesterday are often followed by wonderful days like today when I’m in the midst of self-pity?”

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