During tonight’s radiance meditation I found myself wondering about doing prosperity meditations when your life targets are questionable. If a murderer was doing prosperity meditations, would he get away with more? Would a thief succeed in a hit on a bigger bank? Well, I can’t speak from experience on that level, but I am beginning to think that your life goals begin to coalesce into something beyond your best plans once you move into such a practice.
I remember a student in one of my classes who was doing a job she hated – my impression and vague memory was that it required her to dress like a hooker carrying big beer bottles in a dangerous neighborhood as advertising for the beer company. After the yoga set, her throat turned bright red as she discussed her frustrations and feelings of being demeaned – and left unsafe – by the job. What was fascinating to those of us talking with her was her throat chakra opening up, literally glowing vibrant red, as she “recovered her voice” and spoke her truth. She later told me she’d moved on from the job, and I think that class had been a turning point for her. I wish I remembered the details more clearly now, or her name, but perhaps anonymity will serve the point better anyway.
I listened to a good bit of Byron Katie tonight (“You Need My Love, is that true?”), and Teal Swan on YouTube talking about feelings. I was left with a message about self-acceptance, and wondering what I feel I have to change to “get” the perfect job or relationship. That thread of perfectionism that holds me in the deadlock of self-intolerance, trying to find approval from others instead. The irony is when you don’t accept yourself, approval from others can only be seen as “a lie,” I think Byron Katie called it, or at least a serious misunderstanding on their part, which inevitably leads things to go awry. I’ve seen myself mistreat others from that foundation before, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it from other romantic interests as well. So the question left is, how do you accept yourself and still change the things about yourself that seem to stand in the way of the way you’d like to show up in the world – and your relationships?
Today I’ll be venturing down this route: