Meditation to Make Monkeys Fly Outta Your Butt

This was an extremely secret meditation, only revealed to the most adept and devoted yogi. Because if you practiced it, you could summon the powers of the wicked Witch of the West, and control men and woman and cause tornadoes. So do you really think I’m gonna tell you how to do it after all that? And you really think that – for the price of a single yoga class – I’m gonna reveal sacred secrets to you when you can’t even quiet your mind for an eleven minute meditation? Go home, watch TV. Go to sadhana (although the chants prescribed were actually only supposed to be practiced through the onset of the age of aquarius, which is already upon us). See if you’re really committed to learning this kriya.

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