Well, frankly, the last few days I’ve just been depressed. It’s seeming like one of those times when I come up with every rationale for why Kundalini Yoga is just a waste of time, a diversion from the things I really need to be doing (but am not doing either) and is not helping me make a living in any way. I did five days of Sadhana, and then the next day couldn’t bring myself to get up. I’ve been tired a lot, and stressed out.
Today I was feeling toxic; tired and lethargic and didn’t really want to do anything or deal with anybody. But Paul is visiting and invited himself over, then we didn’t go to the Lake Shrine because he didn’t want to deal with LA traffic. Generally I’ve found an energetic set will blast through that, once I can bring myself to sit down and do it. But often it can take the whole day to reach that point if I don’t do it in the morning – and I hadn’t. So it wasn’t until about 4PM that I got to it, and then procrastinated on one of the Facebook Kundalini Yoga groups a bit, posting some info for other folk. 5:30PM I started the “Exercise Set for Metabolic Change” from “Kundalini Yoga for Youth and Joy,” which it appears they’ve finally re-issued. It was listed on the Ancient Healing Ways site, anyway.
Gurmukh used to do this set frequently, although I don’t remember ever doing the whole duration of the exercises. You’re supposed to dance with your eyes closed for 20 minutes to Don Cooper’s “Twelve Months” which only seems to be available on cassette from Ancient Healing Ways, but I discovered it was somehow related to Bara Maha, and found an Indian version that seemed a lot like something you’d dance to at a Greek Restaurant. I even did the full bowing 31 minute version of Jaap Sahib at the end (“will build stamina and inexhaustible energy”). Then I collapsed and slept an hour and a half. All the usual delusions throughout; oh, this isn’t so bad – I’ve got this down! I can do this forever! Minutes later, I can’t do another single one! Then, deciding to stick with it since I got this far and want to see what it’s like to do the full duration.
So after I got up, I was a little less depressed, but it’s edging back in. And it’s 11PM already. The weekend has slipped away.